A Bedtime Story

Illustration for article titled A Bedtime Story

Listen very carefully, I shall say this only once.

Actually, I won’t be saying much of anything, so you will really have to pay attention.


There was this photo. I saw the photo, and I know all about the photo, and I may have at one point had a copy of the photo, but if I did I destroyed it as requested. I am not allowed to show the photo.

In fact, I am not even sure I am supposed to tell anyone about the photo. So I will tell you a story, and you could figure out what I was talking about. But I can’t have people guessing and then tell who got it right. So I will not be saying—You may very well think that. I couldn’t possibly comment.


Once upon a time, in the Earth that was, our favorite television story was cancelled by a small orange mammal that one would like to keep out of hen houses.

There was much sadness in the Earth that was, and still is today.

The actors from the television story found work in other television stories. One man worked on a program about medieval architecture (not really). One lady worked on a show about men’s fashion (not really). Another lady cut off her hair and eventually found work on a program that took place in front of a family dwelling (not really).


After the lady cut off her hair, but before she worked in front of the family dwelling, she found work on another show that was a remake of something she watched when she was a child. And she was really excited to find out that she would be working with a few people from the original show. Of course, right after that happened, the show was cancelled. She was sad. (But that isn’t part of the story.)

The lady who cut off her hair and some other ladies went to a convention, where they sold autographs for thirty dollars each. And also photo opportunities were sold by a semi-aquatic animal for fifty dollars each.


Many people stood in line to purchase thirty dollar autographs. Some of the people asked the ladies if they could take pictures, but the ladies had to tell the people no, because they all had contracts with the semi-aquatic animal. But people kept asking the same question. Often several people in a row would ask the same question, even after the must have already heard that the answer was no.

Eyes started to roll.

A man wearing a costume from the original series got in line to buy a thirty dollar autograph from the lady who cut off her hair. The person in front of him asked the lady if he could take her picture (and she said no), after the person in front of that person had asked the same question (and she said no), after a third person had asked the same (and she said no). So after explaining to three people in a row that they could not take pictures of her because she had signed a contract and if they wanted a picture they would have to pay the semi-aquatic animal, the lady ran from around the table and asked the man in the costume if she could have her picture taken with him. And he said yes, and they had their picture taken together.


And then the other people started getting out their cameras. But she put up her hands and yelled, No, this is MY PICTURE!

And the lady in the picture emailed the man in the costume a copy of the picture, and he promised never to post it on the internet.


The End

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